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This was just no fun. I wanted my brain back.–Jeff Lindsay, Darkly Dreaming Dexter (Dexter, #1)

It’s Wednesday. My day to take mom for her physical. For the first few appointments after we realized that something was happening with her memory (Vascular Dementia), the doctor’s visits were question-filled with: “what can we do?”, “what can she take?” and “how can we fix this?” Today, six months later, we are at: “at least things haven’t gotten worse”.

I have learned to call first before I pick my mom up to drive her somewhere in order to avoid the rush to change clothes, put make-up on, and liven up her hair. Actually, I have become a master at thinking things through before they happen, so we can avoid certain issues. Last month (after we had to take the car away), my siblings and I were tasked with explaining to mom that grocery shopping should be a leisurely walk, and not an all out sprint to rush through the store just to forget half of the items she came for in order to not inconvenience us. Now, I do my grocery shopping at the same time as mom.

Two months before that, we decided to take over the checking account which took us three months to get an accurate balance and figure out who/what she still owed. I was given that task because mom added me to the account after my father died. For me, taking over the account, even with permission, felt like peeping into her underwear drawer. I got to see how and what she spent money on since my sister, brother and I had grown up. Like a creature of habit, this wonderful woman spent money each month on occasional trips to the local mall, the grocery store, Wounded Warrior Project, Sunday mass collection, gifts for her 8 grandchildren, and an occasional lunch with her girlfriends. A simple life for an independent, kind, creative soul who never asked for anything, most especially, something that would require such constant monitoring from her family and friends.

Since this site was set up as “chats with mom”,  I will end today’s post with the conversation we had today:

ME: I had them schedule your bone density test for tomorrow at noon, does that work for you?

MOM: Yes, I don’t have anything going on tomorrow.

(10 minutes later)

MOM: Your aunt is taking me Christmas shopping Thursday.

ME: Tomorrow or next Thursday?

MOM: Tomorrow.

ME: What about your bone density test?

MOM: Oh shoot…