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Conversation #5: I Could Really Use a Haircut

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On Tuesday, mom called me with her weekly schedule and to let me know that she desperately needed a haircut. I told her that I was available all day on Wednesday to go wherever she needed. Mom said she would call me back to let me know if and when she could get an appointment for a haircut. She called me back shortly after we hung up to tell me this:

MOM: Hi Patti, it’s just me. She can take me today (Tuesday) at 1:30 pm. 

ME: Okay, I thought I told you that Wednesday was better, but I think I can rearrange a few things on my schedule to get you there. 

MOM: Well I told her that I had to check with you first.

ME: Okay, call her back and tell her that you will be there. In the meantime, I will come and get you. 

MOM: See you soon.

I pull up at mom’s house where she is standing at the curb looking frazzled with her hair matted to her head.

MOM: I hate this!

ME: It really isn’t a big deal. I don’t mind taking you places. 

MOM: I really need my car back. I hate relying on other people. 

ME: Well I enjoy our time together. 

The rest of the ride is cordial but relatively quiet. The hair dresser smiles when she sees us and tells my mother that she is glad to see her. As I wait for mom to get her hair cut, I get into a conversation with a lovely woman who talks about downloading books for free through her library membership on to her electronic reader. I thought this would be a great idea for my mother.

When my mother comes out to get me, she looks fresh and pretty with her new haircut, and she has a smile on her face.

ME: I love the cut! You look like a movie star. 

MOM: Smiles.

As we get in the car to go home mom lets me know that her hair dresser is also member of the same church, and she offered to bring her Holy Communion on Sundays.

ME: See this day was meant to turn out this way. I guess we just need to trust that this is the way things are suppose to be right now. 

MOM: Smiles.

 

Conversation #4: But I Have A Card

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Tuesday Night:

MOM: Can you take me to my doctor’s appointment on Wednesday?

ME: Sure, but which doctor?

MOM: My general physician.

ME: I have a note on my calendar that says your appointment is on March 8th, can you call them to confirm that you have an appointment tomorrow?

MOM: I have a card that says I have an appointment on January 18th.

ME: Okay, I will take you.

(Two hours later another phone call from mom…)

MOM: Did you make me a hair appointment for today?

ME: No, did you?

MOM: No, but they just called me to tell me that the girl would not be in for my appointment.

ME: Maybe you made the appointment before Christmas?

MOM: No, I did not make an appointment.

ME: Okay, did they reschedule the appointment?

MOM: No.

(I pick her up for her doctor’s appointment the next morning.)

ME: Good morning!

MOM: Not really…I need a haircut.

ME: I will make you an appointment.

MOM: Okay, that would be great.

(We arrive at the doctor’s office, and mom goes up to the counter to sign in. She comes toward me with a funny smirk on her face.)

MOM: They say that I don’t have an appointment until March 8th.

ME: Yeah, that is what I thought.

MOM: But I had a card.

ME: No problem…want to go to breakfast?

MOM: Sure.

(Patience is a virtue that the Lord is blessing me with little by little…)

Conversation #3: “I want my car back!”

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This post will begin with a conversation mom and I had on this past Friday:

MOM: I am tired of being a shut-in! I want my car back!

ME: You were out four days last week, and this week you made cookies with your sister, and I am taking you to a basketball game tonight. How does that classify you as a shut-in?

MOM: I just want to be able to run to the market when I want to.

ME: I know this is hard. You are a very independent woman, and now you need to depend on us, but we (my sister and brother) don’t feel confident that you are safely able to get behind the wheel again. What if you have a “spell” in route to the market?

MOM: I didn’t have a “spell” last time I drove. I just changed my mind!

ME: This is a perfect example that you are not in control of being present right now. Anyway, we love spending time with you, and it’s winter, everyone in the northeast feels like a shut-in.

 MOM: What time are you picking me up for the game?

ME: 5:30

MOM: Okay, see you then. I am over my little fit for now.

One step forward…

Conversation #2: Everyday “Forgetfulness” Living With Vascular Dementia

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Sunday was grocery day even though I had asked twice before if mom needed anything at the store due to an approaching snow storm. I received a prompt “no” each time I asked. Then on Sunday because my sister, who was scheduled to go grocery shopping with mom, had a family emergency, I received the phone call from mom stating that she had a HUGE list of items she needed at the market and asking me if I could take her? “Sure, I will be right there,” I said as I bit my tongue.

Conversation #2:

ME: Hello! Do you have your grocery list?

MOM: Yes.

ME: Do you have your house key?

MOM: Yes.

ME: Good! Take your time because I have some things to get too.

MOM: Okay, I don’t need that much.

(I let mom do her own thing, and then we meet up again in the baking isle.)

ME: Do you need anything to bake Christmas cookies with Aunt Karen this week?

MOM: Yes, where is the sugar?

ME: I will grab it for you. It is at the beginning of the isle.

MOM: Then I am done.

ME: Are you sure? Where is your list, so you can check it against the items you got already?

MOM: I left it home…

(Two hours later I drop off the bread and toilet paper that she forgot to pick up at the market.)

 

 

What Happens Now?

This is the excerpt for your very first post.

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This was just no fun. I wanted my brain back.–Jeff Lindsay, Darkly Dreaming Dexter (Dexter, #1)

It’s Wednesday. My day to take mom for her physical. For the first few appointments after we realized that something was happening with her memory (Vascular Dementia), the doctor’s visits were question-filled with: “what can we do?”, “what can she take?” and “how can we fix this?” Today, six months later, we are at: “at least things haven’t gotten worse”.

I have learned to call first before I pick my mom up to drive her somewhere in order to avoid the rush to change clothes, put make-up on, and liven up her hair. Actually, I have become a master at thinking things through before they happen, so we can avoid certain issues. Last month (after we had to take the car away), my siblings and I were tasked with explaining to mom that grocery shopping should be a leisurely walk, and not an all out sprint to rush through the store just to forget half of the items she came for in order to not inconvenience us. Now, I do my grocery shopping at the same time as mom.

Two months before that, we decided to take over the checking account which took us three months to get an accurate balance and figure out who/what she still owed. I was given that task because mom added me to the account after my father died. For me, taking over the account, even with permission, felt like peeping into her underwear drawer. I got to see how and what she spent money on since my sister, brother and I had grown up. Like a creature of habit, this wonderful woman spent money each month on occasional trips to the local mall, the grocery store, Wounded Warrior Project, Sunday mass collection, gifts for her 8 grandchildren, and an occasional lunch with her girlfriends. A simple life for an independent, kind, creative soul who never asked for anything, most especially, something that would require such constant monitoring from her family and friends.

Since this site was set up as “chats with mom”,  I will end today’s post with the conversation we had today:

ME: I had them schedule your bone density test for tomorrow at noon, does that work for you?

MOM: Yes, I don’t have anything going on tomorrow.

(10 minutes later)

MOM: Your aunt is taking me Christmas shopping Thursday.

ME: Tomorrow or next Thursday?

MOM: Tomorrow.

ME: What about your bone density test?

MOM: Oh shoot…